Don’t be fooled by new age BS
Nothing is for Free
September 30, 2020
HERE’S THE THING
Some clever person nailed it when they said, “Sometimes a cigar, is just a cigar”
THE UNPACKING
I’m not going to waste your time with this one. Have you ever heard that “you should give people the benefit of the doubt” ? Ever been told to “treat people as they could be and not as they are, or as they see themselves” Have you been told to “trust everyone until they break your trust” ? Ever been told “never burn bridges” ? To “forgive and forget” ? Or, what about this pearl-er? “A friend in need, is a friend indeed”.
Isn’t it crazy how these idealistic, new-age, rainbow and sunshine beliefs and suggestions have actually got nothing to do with reality. In fact, if you follow any of the above advice you are not only going to be betrayed, belittled, disappointed, abused, and ripped off. You may even be physically harmed. Don’t click away, stick around for another minute or two and let The Bear tell you what’s what.
On the American money it says, “In God we trust” and as the saying goes, “everyone else pays cash”. With thousands of years of evolution you would imagine that we as a species have evolved to being people who are trustworthy, honest, reliable with a sense of doing your best, and always doing what’s right. Well, FYI we seem to be going backwards and we are finding ourselves in a position where the exact opposite to the above, must be followed at all times.
When you give someone the benefit of the doubt, you’re a sucker, and they are going to swindle you and steal from you again. If you trust anyone unconditionally, without putting checks and balances in place you’re going to have a rude awakening. Let me tell you, in many circumstances not only should you burn the bridges, you should napalm them and bury what’s left deep down a mine shaft!! Remember as well, that there has to be a bridge in the first place.
If you want to forgive someone, first make sure that they have accepted responsibility and have fixed what they broke. When you forgive, you actually are doing yourself a favour, because grudges destroy you, but do nothing to the other person. So if you can forgive, great. But never forget. Learn from the experience and never forget. Let it go, but never forget. If the cigar quotation has got you scratching your head. Google Freud – cigars (not Clinton – Lewinski – Cigars). You just did that didn’t you?
Sometimes BS is BS. Trust me. If it looks like it, if it smells like it, if it feels like it, it probably is BS. So don’t step in it, especially not because some bleeding heart, do-gooder, wants you to “be nice”, or “be the bigger person”.
THE APPLICATION
- Trust no one. Don’t be paranoid, don’t let it control your life, but, trust no one. Put checks and balances in place, monitoring, accountable structures, cameras and contracts. In fact, the best time to draw up a divorce contract is when you’re deeply in love, just before you get married.
- Everybody functions from self-interest. This is important. Whenever you meet anyone, always understand that they are only thinking about themselves and what they can get in any given situation. Yes, this even includes, (actually no, it especially includes), most people who run charities, non-profits (yup they talk about what money is “left over” after the person running it has been handsomely paid) and social justice warriors. It’s always about them. Even if it’s just to feel good about themselves.
- Most if not all love is conditional. Partnerships are conditional, relationships are conditional, business is based on conditions, friendships are based on conditions. “As long as I am getting what I want we can continue!”. I will love you on condition that …. . The fine print always says, that you love me and only me, that you are always there for me, that you forsake all others, that you be at my beck and call, and on and on. Then I will love you unconditionally. It should be ONCONDITIONALLY.
- I know this sounds cynical and angry, but it’s not. These are hard facts. They are played out time and time again. As soon as you let your guard down you get a smack on the side of the head. So, just beware and be aware.
- Oh and one more thing, people will show you exactly who they are by what they do, what they have, what they spend their time on, and the way they speak. Treat them as they are, and as they treat you.
Oh! A friend in need, is a friend who will call you every time he or she needs anything in the future. You may also find that the more you help someone, the more those exact people will kick you in the nuts.
You’ve been warned, now you know, and you know exactly why you have received this today.
Yoooooouuuuuuuu’re WELCOME!!!!!!
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19 Comments
While I agree with most of what you’ve said Gavin – I don’t agree with your point “Everybody functions from self-intetest (esp those who run npo’s etc.)” If you look at how Lions Int. functions, you will see that every cent we collect from the Public HAS to go back into the community. There is no “skimming off the top” – we are all volunteers amd our admin. costs are met from the dues that members pay to belong to Lions. Perhaps you could amend this point to say “most of the npo’s, charity orgs., etc” insteaf of ALL? It really hurts all Lions to be lumped in with the corrupt organisations! (But I still love your work anyway!!)
Amended to MOST :-)
Thanks for engaging and you make a point. I have given freely to both Rotary and Lions. If you read a little further I also state clearly that it is all about the person even if they just want to feel good about themselves. NO ONE DOES ANYTHING WITHOUT, ON SOME LEVEL THERE BEING A PAY OFF FOR THE GIVER. Even if it’s just to feel good about oneself. It’s biologically and emotionally impossible. But I get your point too.
Eish. Hard words that are not all true for all Makes for a very cynical world. But you should not let people steal your joy.
Hey there Ilona – see point 4 in “the application”;-)
Very disappointing.
I know of a great deal of people who are givers by heart. I am actually not interested in if there is a bit of ego left in them that might be looking for a thank you or for some praise. They do incredible work for the benefit of others.
In my humble opinion this world is an energy system in which that what we put into the mix grows and multiplies.
I prefer to put love and trust into the system and do to the best of my abilities.
If i have to pay for it, because someone only faked the need so be it. What did i lose? As a truly enlightened being once said to me: We are not investigators. We just give, because we want to.
I love your stuff Gavin. Always so thought provoking!
You got it! Thanks Janet
Certainly explains things very well
Agree with this ‘theory’ on the whole
But , given the theory, can we trust it?
Where does religion fit into this I wonder ? Any ideas ?
Who hurt you Gavin? Usually love your rants (and can mostly relate), but this seems personal! Like you said, forgiveness is healthy, so forgive, learn and move on :-) And of course… Keep on sharing your love!
I agree with you, I learned the hard way with the people in my office. Thank you for the support and helping me open my eyes.
Love what you stand for.
I can relate to all you said and so true! But we are fools and trust again and again.
Preach it Gav!
right on the “money” , pun intended, I do believe that people show you who they are point 5 and yes agree with point 3 too, it is on condition, what is in it for me:) thank you Gav, I needed this.
Your point 3 is sooooooooo applicable to businesses and their motto’s. Maybe I must be specific. Your bank loves you (anyway that is the feeling you get when you start doing business with them). Until the wolf is at the door . Or it starts raining and they want their umbrella back. Here’s an example. I have a personal banker and the only reason why I pay a ridiculous monthly bank fee is so that I can phone him and he can sort a problem out without me having to visit a branch. “Unconditional love” I pay for and which only works in theory. When he has to reverse a debit order for me he does not even send me a read receipt on my email. Nor does he read my Whatsap. – Don’t get me on a rant……..
OUCH, so many situations popped up in my head, thank you for your perspective, and as already said….THOUGHT PREVOKING!
“ONCONDITIONALLY” – Yes! So tired of wading through pretences in this life, as though we are all wrapped up in cotton wool. Be a realist with a heart! Completely agree!
Your article makes a lot of sense. One can be disappointed, feel cheated or let down if you give, forgive or forget something and you get the wrong response. The question really is, “What obligation does the receiver of your gift have towards you?” Giving is special and the only response you should want is the feeling you get from doing it. If not, you must accept whatever the receiver gives you. Just a thought.
A cigar is just a cigar is apocryphally attributed to Sigmund Freud. Your assertion is a paranoid way to live. I prefer to have a positive view of humankind and it has worked beautifully for me. Don’t look at others with judgement, but rather with curiosity. Etsko Schuitema.